Why Do We Have To Go To The Church On Sunday?

Yesterday:

Lately, some of my days are gloomy, blue, sad, and anything of terms that you can say about. I love my God... but in times of needed I suddenly lose that feeling... the feeling that I love my God, that I trust Him with all my heart, the feeling that I know that His time is right and always perfect. Then I said to Him, You know God, I know that Your time is right and perfect indeed but in this world what really true is that the world’s time is always right and perfect... but... no answers... I cried... A tender voice said, my child see Me at My house tomorrow.

Today:

I barely open my eyes. I said, God, I still need my rest in sleep. The tender voice said, come, open your eyes for Me, see Me at My house, you need Me to fix your problems don’t you?... I woke up, took bath, dressed up, ignited my car and drove away...

In God’s house:

I bent my knee and sat... and sat... and sat... just sat there on the pew and felt so lonely, felt that he’s not there with me, felt that he left me.

On today’s reading:

The tender voice came again and said, I love you, you know that I will always love you, I will never leave you, I know your problems, do not worry, I will put all of your problems in fix... tomorrow! Then, I cried... cried... and cried...

I was afraid that He will not do what he said by tomorrow.

My faith is so small, you can barely see it. Sometimes I think I never have a faith since it’s so small in me. But God do not see that as a measure. He just sees my dirty and unworthy heart, and He took my heart with no disgust but with a very happy and joyous heart of Him. And to confirm that He gave me this picture...

On the Communion:

I saw a father hold his child on his arms. He put his left arm under the child’s bottom so he can hold her close to his body and he put his right hand cover the child’s back and put his right arm on his child’s head. I cried... And He said... Now you see that I always do the same way to you my child... Believe Me... I cried.

.................................................................

Now:

Now I know why do I have to go to the church every Sunday... Just to understand, to know, and to love Him better... And to accept my blessings...

Thank you... I say amen to You that You will fix everything by tomorrow... Thank You...

Haleluya, terpujilah Tuhan!

MISA (THE HOLY MASS) PART.3 [END]

11. Kita diajak Doa Bapa Kami yang juga mempersatukan kita dengan Tuhan dan sesama (coba laraskan Doa Bapa Kami dengan sungguh2…., indah bukan?) dan kemudian salam damai yang mengingatkan kita untuk membagikan damai, tapi ingat ini bukan mengantikan rekonsiliasi kita yang harus kita lakukan terhadap orang yang kita sakiti atau sebaliknya ya.

12. Anak Domba Allah yang menghapus dosa dunia:

Sebelum terima Tubuh Kristus, kita minta Tuhan sekali lagi untuk menyucikan kita dari dosa2 dan memberikan kita Damai untuk sungguh2 layak terima TubuhNya.   

Anak Domba Allah adalah Yesus sendiri yang mau mengorbankan diri untuk menghapus dosa kamu dan saya, bukankah ini indah sekali?

13. Waktu menerima Tubuh Kristus kita menjawab : AMIN, berarti

Saya percaya ini sungguh2 Tubuh dan Darah Kristus! Saya siap melepaskan keegoisan/keinginan daging saya, dan siap menerima Tubuh Kristus untuk berjalan dengan Dia dan terakhir siap menjadi Roti yang dibagi2kan untuk dunia.

14. Sebelum Berkat Penutup, biasanya Pastur akan mengatakan: Pergilah Kamu Diutus! Dan ditutup dengan  Berkat : jangan asal2an menerima berkat ini, bayangkan tangan para pastur bisa mengubah roti dan anggur menjadi Tubuh dan Darah Yesus, maka tangan inipun bisa memberikan kita berkat untuk menjaga dan membagikan kabar gembira! Hebat ya….

Kesimpulan kalo 1 kali misa mingguan berarti kita sudah:

- Refleksi ngapain aja 1 minggu ini

- Minta ampun dan kasih Tuhan

- Memuji Tuhan 

- Mendengarkan SAbda Tuhan

- Memberi PERSEMBAHAN untuk pekerjaan Kerajaan Allah maupun Sukacita, karya kita, harapan, kekecewaan, kesedihan dll

- Terima Tubuh dan DArah Yesus

- Terima Berkat

- Siap membagikan Berkat – Diutus

Acara makan bisa menjadi tempat orang berdamai atau mempersatukan tapi juga bisa menjadi tempat bertengkar ataupun permusuhan. Dalam kehidupan sehari2 makan merupakan acara pemersatu dalam keluarga, dimana seluruh anggota keluarga duduk dan makan bersama. Sakrament Ekaristi adalah makan bersama yang diundang oleh Yesus sendiri dan lebih luar biasa lagi pemberian diriNya kepada kita untuk tetap hidup! Sehingga Ekaristi dirayakan secara meria atas kebersamaan kita dengan Allah melalui Yesus, oleh sebab itu Ekaristi disebut sebagai Sakramen Puncak Kebersamaan dengan Tuhan dan Sesama.

Teman2, dalam 1 minggu kita Cuma diminta untuk hadirin misa 1 kali, kalo dihitung-hitung 1 tahun ada 52 minggu (1x misa = paling lama 1,5 jam), berarti kita Cuma perlu 78 jam (52 minggu X 1,5 jam), bukankah kita punya 8,760 jam (365 hari X 24 jam) per tahun? Maukah teman2 memberikan waktu yang sedikit ini untuk menghadiri Pesta undangan Yesus sendiri?

Semoga dengan sharing saya ini bisa membawa teman2 sekalian lebih  menghayati dan menghargai Ekaristi. Marilah jadikan Ekaristi sebagai Pusat Kebersamaan kita dengan Yesus dan datang ke Pesta ini dengan kegembiaraan yang penuh syukur!  ASYIK MISA LAGI!!!!!

THE END

[By Dena Sukiato]

Thx a lot ya den... GBU! Always!

MISA (THE HOLY MASS) PART.2

6.  Barulah kita masuk dalam doa pembukaan, dan diam mendengarkan Sabda Tuhan, Mazmur dan homili pastur. Nah…kadang2 memang ada pastur yang membosankan, tapi jika kita datang ke misa karena Kerinduan kita ketemu Yesus bukan Pastur, maka kita akan value the mass and the words of God (terjemahan indonya apa ya?), sehingga apapun homilinya akan menjadi menarik dan pasti ada makna yang didapatkan, karena bagaimanapun Pastur adalah Pilihan Tuhan untuk kita semua. Tapi kalo tidak mengerti ya ga apa2 juga, jangan marah ama Tuhan karena tidak mengerti, yang penting ask God to give us a heart of Gold to listen.

7. Setelah itu kita diajak untuk menyebutkan Aku Percaya sebagai Iman kita. Syahadat Para Rasul (Pengakuan Iman) ini sudah dilaraskan/bacakan oleh para rasul dari dulu, coba kamu laraskan sekarang…..Aku percaya… (laraskan doa tsb dulu sebelum dilanjutkan bacanya….serius ni….bukankah itu iman kita? Dari awal Penciptaan sampai janji Tuhan untuk kebangkitan badan?) 

8. Persembahan : 

Ini ada sedikit terjemahan bebasku yang saya ambil dari On The Holy Mass, yang menceritakan penampakan dari Catalina Rivas sewaktu mengikuti misa. Dia mengatakan bahwa saat persembahan Catalina melihat banyak sekali malaikat2 yang mebawa persembahan seperti emas / sesuatu ditangan yang bersinar dengan tersenyum, baju yang indah dan penuh sukacita, tapi ada juga malaikat yang mukanya cembetut/sedih dan tangan  mereka tidak membawa apa2 . Catalina menanyakan ini kepada Bunda Maria dan Bunda Maria menjawab bahwa itu adalah malaikat pelindung setiap orang yang datang ke misa, dan malaikat2 itu mencerminkan hati setiap umat yang datang ke misa.  Kalo orang datang ke misa karena kerinduan dan niat mengalami Tuhan dalam Ekaristi, maka Malaikat yang cantik2 itu membawa sesuatu dalam misa ini, sedangkan malaikat yang sedih itu tidak bisa membawa apa2 ke hadapan Tuhan karena hati orang yang datang ke misa sama sekali tidak tertuju pada  Tuhan. Maka kita diajak untuk membawa sakit, kekecewaan, kesedihan maupun harapan dan sukacita kita kehadapan Tuhan. Dan disinipun kita diencourange untuk memberi persembahan selain hati kita juga berupa uang, sebagai persembahan materi kita untuk pekerjaan Tuhan lewat Gereja. Saya juga percaya orang yang merasa diberkati pasti tidak pelit juga untuk memberi persembahan berupa uang ini, karena kemurahan memberi itu juga berasal dari Allah.

 

Persembahan yang selalu dibawah ke Altar  juga ada artinya seperti :

• Roti dan Anggur – buatan manusia tetapi akan menjadi Tubuh dan Darah Kristus, yang artinya setiap orang yang mau membawa dirinya kehadapan Tuhan pasti akan diubah juga hidupnya.
• Buah2han : memberikan “buah2” hasil dari pekerjaan manusia kepada Tuhan, karena buah2 inipun sebenarnya berasal dari Tuhan.

9. Kudus2 adalah nyanyian para malaikat menyambut Tuhan dan konon dikatakan seruan ini adalah seruan di surga untuk memuji Tuhan (Yes 6:1-3).

10. Pemecahan Roti : ini adalah kenangan yang Yesus lakukan langsung kepada para murid2Nya (Last Supper) disini Yesus memberikan Otoritas untuk mengubah Roti dan Anggur menjadi Tubuh dan DarahNya sendiri , dan dalam gereja katolik kita mengetahui bahwa Paus pertama kita adalah Petrus, maka dari itu autoritas itu  sangat jelas diturunkan dengan penumpangan tangan kepada paus berikutnya sampai ke Paus sekarang ini dan tentu juga diturunkan kepada semua pastur lewat Sakramen Imamat. Maka dari itu Roti yang kita terima bukanlah lambang tapi benar2 Danging  dan Darah Yesus sendiri. 

Dan waktu Pastur memecahkan roti, artinya Yesus mau terpecah pecah untuk masuk ke tubuh kita dan dengan makan roti  berarti kita menjadi 1 tubuh dengan Yesus dan menjadi satu gereja (Tubuh Kristus yang kita makan menjadikan semua orang katolik di dunia bersatu dan menjadi Tubuh Kristus yang siap hidup  terpecah pecahkan / terbagi-bagikan untuk mencintai sesama).

Sikap kita pada saat Roti dianggkat adalah memandang Roti/Tubuh Kristus tsb, karena pada saat itu sinar Kasih Yesus sendiri memancari kita, maka dari itu mari kita angkat kepala kita menatapi Tubuh tsb dan mengatakan Jesus I believe in You/I adore You/I love You/kata2 memuji Yesus, dan membiarkan Sinar Yesus sendiri menyinari kita. Mengapa hanya terima Roti/Tubuh, tidak bersama anggur? Karena ktia tahu bahwa didalam Tubuh sudah pasti ada Darah.

BERSAMBUNG ……

[By Dena Sukiato]

MISA (THE HOLY MASS) PART.1

Setelah pulang dari Beijing, ada teman2 yang minta apa yang saya bawakan pada hari terakhirku di beijing mengenai misa untuk disharekan di maling list, apalagi teman2 yang tidak bisa hadir pada malam itu, maka saya memberanikan diri untuk menuliskan ini semua untuk PDK Beijing only, saya akan bagikan menjadi 3 email, mengingat ini akan sangat panjang, semoga apa yang saya sharingkan akan membawa kita semua semakin menghayati Sakramen Ekaristi. 

Mengapa Ekaristi dikatakan Sakramen Puncak Kebersamaan?

Melalui Pembaptisan kita memperoleh karunia kebersamaan dengan Allah melalui Yesus Kristus, tetapi kebersamaan ini baru dirayakan secara meriah dan resmi dengan pemberian Tubuh Kristus dalam perayaan Ekaristi. 

Saya akan kasih ilustrasi :

Kekakraban selalu terjadi waktu kita makan bersama2 (dalam Injil juga sering diceritakan Yesus selalu makan bersama para murid, pendosa atau orang2 terbuang). Bayangkan betapa kita bisa mendekatkan diri dengan lebih nyata dimana kita bisa duduk bersama dan menikmati pesta makan bersama dengan Kristus?

Ekaristi berasal dari bahasa Yunani Eucharistia yang berarti Puji Syukur dan kata Misa baru muncul pada abad V dengan arti Pergilah, kalian diutus. Maka makna dari Sakramen ini adalah : Doa puji syukur atas karya Penyelamatan Allah lewat Yesus Kristus dan kita diutus untuk mewartakan kabar baik dan memberkati sesama kita.

Sekarang saya mau masuk dengan step by step apa yang kita lakukan ya:

(Sebaiknya sebelum ke Misa kita diharapkan sudah membaca bacaan misa hari itu, bacaan sabda di dalam misa adalah sama di seluruh dunia, tidak peduli dalam bahasa apapun!).

1. Ambil Air Suci : mengingatkan kita akan air baptis yang membersihkan kita dari dosa dan janji kita dalam janji baptis kita yang mengatakan kita menolak kejahatan, tahyul, perjudian, hiburan tidak sehat dll.

1. Sebelum duduk kita berlutut di depan tabernakel yang mengingatkan kita akan: 

• Tabernakel : Bapa yang duduk didepan Altar
• Lampu kecil : Roh Kudus yang hadir didepan altar yang mengingatkan kita akan penghibur dan penolong hidup kita (kalo lampu ini tidak nyala maka dalam tabernakel tidak ada hosti)
• Ada salib besar : mengingatkan betapa dia mencintai kita sampai mau mati di kayu salib supaya kita bisa sungguh2 hidup dalam Cinta Abadi. Dan dengan tangan Yesus terbentang yang mengatakan : Apakah tidak cukup cintaKu sebesar ini?

1. Di depan Altar selalu ada 2 meja :
• Meja Kecil disebut meja sabda – buat bacaan/homili
• Meja besar disebut meja persembahan, -pengorbanan Tuhan yang mau memberikan Tubuh dan DarahNya untuk kita.

Kedua meja ini mengingatkan kita bahwa hidup ini tidak hanya dengan makanan jasmani saja tapi kita juga butuh sabda dan Tubuh Kristus untuk bertumbuh.

4. Sebelum mulai, liat apa yang Pastur lakukan, dia mengatakan salam yang sangat bermakna dengan inti:

Kasih Karunia, rahmat dan damai sejahtera dari Allah Bapa dan dari PuteraNya Yesus Kristus besertamu! Salam dan tanda salib ini mengingatkan kita akan Salam dari Kasih Tuhan untuk kita! Tapi berapa sering kita hanya membuat tanda salib seperti mengusir lalat dan tanpa penghayatan yang mendalam?

5.  Kita masih belum masuk doa pembukaan tapi kita diajak untuk  diam sebentar melihat dosa2 dan kelemahan kita yang kita lakukan selam 1 minggu ini, mohon ampun and mohon belas kasihan Tuhan sebelum kita memuji Dia dalam Kemuliaan/Glory (tentu saja ini tidak bisa gantikan dengan sakrament tobat!).

BERSAMBUNG ……

[By Dena Sukiato]

GOD WILL GRANT MY WISH...

Tuhan pasti akan mengabulkan permohonanku karena... 

Ia sangat mencintai aku & Ia akan melakukan apapun demi aku. 

Bukan karena aku sombong tapi karena aku sangat berharga di mataNya... 

Dan karena... 

Ia ingin aku untuk selalu datang padaNya dengan bersukacita & 

dengan hati yang penuh syukur... 

Dan bukan dengan hati yang sedih & membenci Dia. 

Ia tidak ingin kita membenci Dia, hanya iblis yang mau kita membenci Tuhan! 

Ingat... 

Ia Tuhan yang mencintai kita & 

bukan Tuhan yang menghancurkan kita.

Terima kasih Tuhan...

LIKE A TREE

Make me like a tree lord

When there's a wind

I will not be blown away

Make me like a tree lord

When there are rain & storm

I will not be carried & washed away

Make me like a tree lord

So eventhough there's a fire

And I’ve got burnt down

I will stand still because...

My roots are still deep in the ground

And You are my ground...

TRUST (REPRISE)

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and not on your own understanding.

In all of your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight.

Don't worry about tomorrow His guide is under control.

Just trust in the Lord with all your heart and He will carry you through...

Lord, sometimes it get so tough

To keep my eyes on You when things are going on

Then I turn my eyes up to the sky and I hear Your voice

It says to me...

Child, not worry with the troubles of this world I have overcome...

(Sixpence None The Richer)

OXNARD, CA 030609-052109

BEFORE CHRISTMAS

Kau temukan aku ketika ku rapuh
Terdampar membisu seperti debu
Matahari seakan tak lagi
Menyinari hati sepi ini

Kau temukan aku ketika aku jatuh
Terhempas membisu terbalut pilu
Matahari seakan tak lagi
Menyinari hati sepi ini

Luka tertinggal dihati
Terlalu dalam untuk pergi

Reff:
Beri aku cinta
Beri aku rasa
Agar aku bisa seperti dirimu

Beri aku sentuhmu
Beri aku rindumu
Agar aku bisa
Seperti hidup kembali

Bridge:
Kau nyalakan cahaya hati
Yang telah mati
Kau terangi gelap dihati
Bangkitkan jiwaku
Dari mimpi burukku

“Seperti Hidup Kembali” by Andra And The Backbone
(Thank You... for made me back alive...)

FRIENDSHIP

This afternoon I read the blog that was written by PNS Sexy. He shared some photos on the blog showing their activities after they had their Sholat Idul Adha. The photos reminded me of some memories that I have had with my friends back then at Junior High. Yes, for me one of the sweetest memories about friendship is my year in Junior High. We did some crazy stuffs, just a typical that junior high kids would do. It was so sweet and really heart-warming. Now, it’s been almost 20 years. But the memories are still there, and I guess it’ll always be there. Covered in a warm blanket of love in the sweetest corner of my mind. I love you guys!
SMP Mardi Yuana Cianjur, Class of 1988…

SIMPLE GOD

Are you a member of the Hard-God Club? Well, I used to be the Brand Manager of the club. I used to think that my God is a very hard God. A God that demands a lot of things from me. A God that sees me as a You-have-to-be-always-right object. A God that is so far away, because He lives in His kingdom of righteousness while I am here stuck in my sinful and full of wrong deeds world. I’ve found them wrong when I am at my age now. I know for sure that I have gained a lot of new understandings on my thirties. Well, the old saying that says “the older, the wiser” is true in my case hehehe…
I have found that my God is a very simple God! All the thoughts and old understanding about Him has totally changed. My God is a kind of God that just sees me as ME. The fat, bald, impatient, a bit forgetful, yet still charming Kees De Roode. All that he sees is just my heart. I always say to Him, “Lord no matter what I am, my heart is in Your hand.” I love my God not because He’s famous, or just because He is the only one whom can allow me to enter His home, but just because He is He. Just that simple. He will always love me no matter what or who I am. He will always love me because He can’t deny Himself. He is the love. There’s no way that from a source of love can flow hatred or evil. He never says, “I don’t know you, you low & sinful thing! You have to be sin-free if you want to walk next to me!” He never demands us to be righteous. All He just asks is, “May I shine from your heart?”
Yes, You may Lord…

HOW TO PUT ASIDE OUR EGOS

I am a temperament person. I will easily get angry if I can’t control or overcome things. Like this morning, a lady came in for her son is sick. I smiled and said hi to her and she only replied with a very flat face so I want to punch her in the face. I mean, what the heck was that? She supposed to smile back at me and said hi. But then I realized (after the beautiful, cute and gorgeous little angel slaps my head in the back. You stupid MD!) that it was my stupid ego talking. And then the cute angels remind me again of some ways to keep my ego in silence and let lose our love instead:
First, try to put others perspective in our mind.
Second, if the ‘negative’ start talking immediately take a deep breath and count to ten.
Third, always remember that not every body can smile.
Fourth, the condition of the heart of every person is different.
Fifth, always start your day with a prayer. It helps a lot!
And sixth, what the heck are you waiting for?
Get going and put those five in practice…

LOVE FACTS

Here are the four thoughts about love that I often forgot:

L. Love Begins With An “L”.
I believe that love always begin with an “L”, LIKING. So I think the correct phrase is suppose to be “Like at first sight”. I also figure that love stands for:
L: Liking
O: On (the)
V: Very
E: Extreme
That means no matter what the situations are, I will and definitely have to always be liking the person that I’m in love with.

O. Love Is A Decision.
I’m 100% agree with this statement. I first heard this saying when I was on a retreat years ago. If you decide to start loving someone then it must be tattooed in your mind that here you’re going to give away your freedom to choose to someone that you believe that he/she is the one for you. So, there’s supposed to be no more divorces!

V. Love Ourselves First.
How can we love others if we don’t know how to love ourselves first? We don’t want them to taste our bitterness; we want them to taste the “love”. So, let’s pour those loves away…

E. Love Is Risky.
Love is risky and complicated. It involves a lot of things. It will include your past, present and future; your family, your privacy, your friends, your best friends, your emotions, your moods, your health, your wealth, your heartaches, your mind, your soul, and most importantly your heart! But don’t be afraid to give your heart away. Go for it and take the risk. It is worth it. You will never know what is in front of you until you take the step. Remember, every beautiful rose has its thorn. So, brave yourself. And if you fall down because of love…
Don’t give up…

I HATE YOU GOD!

Whenever I feel depressed or feel like I don’t know how to get out of my problems, I usually get myself to pray. But before that I usually get mad hehe… and most of my depressed-prayer are using the words on the title of this writing. I hate You! Yes, my prayers has become angry-prayers. On the prayer I will ask Him lotta lotta favors to help me out of the problems. Again, I am a very terrible prayer. At some point I used to curse Him (forgive me Lord!). Please put in your mind that I’m writing this not to showing off that I’m a very brave man so I’m not afraid of my god. It’s a BIG NO!!! All I want to say is that I am so grateful that I have a God that really really knows me very well, way beyond I know myself. He is a very gentle God. He understands. And He hears! No matter what kind of prayer that we are praying to Him. Even if we are angry in our prayers. Even if we are so very angry in our prayers. Because He knows what we are. And after that He will absolutely give us answers and way out.
Don’t be afraid to open our hearts when we are praying. Let Him knows our feelings. Let Him heals them.
Let Him… (This writing was inspired from “Jo the Feminist”)

LUNA MAYA HEART

I think Luna Maya is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in Indonesia today. For me she is a perfect 10. She has perfect look from every angle including from her back. Yes, she got a sexy back too. She is the kind of woman that can attract people from a distance. She has an outburst aura coming out of her, so when she’s around a crowd people can fix their eyes right to her in an instant. It’s her beauty that has made her become a public’s attention. And I believe that she also must have been taken care of her beauty that God has given her.
I think the analogy here is kinda same with our spiritual lives. I think we have to be able to attract people’s attention, of course in a positive way. We must have the Luna Maya’s look in our hearts which is beautiful, flawless, radiant, warm, tender & meek yet firm and unshakeable. But it’s impossible for us to be on that level, why? It’s because we were born with an incomplete and imperfect heart. We humans are inborn flawed heart organisms. To make it UN-flawed or to make it complete & perfect we have to make a call. To whom? To the answer of the lonely hearts. To the king of the broken hearts. To the heart itself.

To the sacred heart…

OH, MAN!

The economy today is like hell. I’ve almost cleaned up my savings because of that. The US Dollar hit Rp.12.500 today. Damn.

It sucks…..
Aaaaarrrrrggghhhhh!!!!! :-(

(I don't feel like writing now...)

WHY DO WE HAVE TO SING WHOLEHEARTEDLY

I was listening to “With or Without You” not the one by U2 but the one that was covered by Glay, one of the best J-Rock Band from Japan. I was so into that song, I always love that song. I think the melody, the arrangement, and everything about the song is so perfect. And Glay has done a very great cover of the song. When I sang along with Glay suddenly I felt so empowered, so lonely, and yet so intimate, and also I felt a bit moved inside my heart. My heart was touched. And that song is not a gospel song. I used to be a worship leader in my catholic community when I was in college. And it always had been a very great and beautiful moment to see people and everybody in the room sing along together, praising and worshiping God. And when I sang with Glay, the feeling came back. I used to think that the togetherness, the music, and the situations are the things that we always have to prepare perfectly if we want to FEEL a great and intimate worship moment. But it turns out not to be like that. We can be moved, empowered, spirited away, and feel all the great things of worshipping if we’re doing it WHOLEHEARTEDLY. At that moment we’re releasing and transferring the beautiful energy to everything and everyone that surrounds us. Yes, the things that I’ve said earlier like the music, etc are also very important. BUT now I know what the MOST important thing is if I want to worship Him. My heart…
I can’t live with or without you…

NOVEMBER LOVE

Nov/8/2008 08:00AM
Fear
I
You
This morning,
You gave me life
You lighted up my life
You made me alive
You brought me joy
You turned my happiness on
You set my heart on fire
You made me fall in love again
But this morning, it was deeper...
I will love You
I will hold You
I will always be there for You
You've just made my life surreal
And this morning, it was real...
This morning was love...
Tonight is love...
You
I
Love...
Nov/8/2008 07:54PM+A

THAT NIGHT WAS...

Yesterday my faith has been renewed. For the last couple of years my heart has become numbed. I've become a very tolerant person. I've tolerated to everything that the world has offered me. Including the part that I should've been said no. And yesterday He has pulled me back into the track. Have you ever been in that kind of situation? The situation where you think you're right and then the wise guy comes to you and suddenly everything seems so very wrong. And I was in that situation yesterday. How did I feel? I felt bad, not good, and awkward. I felt so very sin, but finally felt so relieve. It was all started when a text message came in and in a split second everything's changed. That night, He has put me... wait, I mean, I HAVE PUT MYSELF in a situation where I didn't know where to go, didn't know what was I suppose to do, and didn't know to whom should I tell or share my problem with. Yes, it was all because of my own mistake. I've slipped. And that night, it was the night when I prayed so deep, intimate, and felt each and every word that came out of my mouth again. I have forgotten on how to pray so deep and intimate. And that night, each and every word of the prayer has becoming so real. The prayer seemed has become the lightning that struck me in the heart each time I said the word of the prayer. I was shocked. Shocked of recognizing all the bad things and deeds that I've said and done. It was like a movie in my mind. I also felt so afraid that night. Afraid of being caught up. Afraid of humiliating my family. Afraid of the becoming of my future. Afraid of what would people think of me. He pulled me hard this time. So hard. I was strayed too far. And I slipped, big time. I was falling off the cliff. That night, I was hanging to His outstretched arm only. So He had to pull me in the hard way. And I was saved again. I can't remember how many times in my life that He has saved me. It's countless! Maybe what you read here is a very cliché story. But for me, it was life saving. And I hope the 'that night' experience can also change the way you relate to Him.
Dear God, I thank You for saving me from my most dangerous mistake. Please forgive me for all the disappointments that I have put in the heart of every person that I have hurt. I myself is also hurt Lord. Thank you for healing me. Thank you for saving me from that horrific night. Amen.
That night was... frightening. And tonight, it's... raining.

Thank You...

A BROKEN VOW

You have made me from your heart
I am you and you are me
You’ve promised me
That you will always be there for me
You gave me your life
You took my pain
You heal my wound
You cured my diseases
You save me
You died for me
You love me with all your heart, mind, and soul
But,
My heart is too shattered to have you in it
I can’t do all the things that you have done
I can’t save you
I’m not brave enough to die for you
I don’t know whether I want to give my life for you
I am good at disappointing you
I can’t promise you that I will always be there for you
I never come to your Sunday party
I’m impatient and rarely speak to you
I can’t always set my mind on you
But,
I’m doing all those things

With my heart on your palm…

I’M STILL HURT

It’s been a month since my last pain in my heart. But still the pain is there. Wait, maybe it’s not the pain it’s anger. I don’t know. Why do we feel so mad if someone has lied to us, especially someone that we really love or care about? The madness level seems like reach over the top when they lied to us. Until today I’m still hurt. I’m still angry every time I meet the person. I don’t even want to look at the face. I don’t want to talk like we used to be. I just want to stay so very away from the person. I know that I have to forgive. I know that I have to let it go. It turns out that time is the only thing that I do really need at this moment. Maybe I just should wait until I’m ready again. But for how long? A year? Or two years? Or for the rest of my life??? Hell, no! At some points I know that I have to solve the main problem. I have to talk to the person and told the person that the person has hurt me. For a month I’ve been waiting for the person to realize by the person’s own that the person has hurt me. But I think the person never realizes it hehehe… so, maybe I’m the one who have to take the step. Sometimes we have to wound the scar to make it heal faster. In this case I’m gonna need some instruments to back me up. The most important thing is I’m gonna need the prayer-line as the medication after the re-hurting process. It’ll stop the bleeding. After that I need some positive words like preaches, supports, etc as my gauze packs and drugs. It’ll keep my wound clean and dry. Finally I need my friends as my food intake and my source of vitamins. They’ll keep my healthy wound tissues grow faster. Oh, one last thing, I think I need the betadine too. And that is you, pray for me please!

I need the anesthesiologist here!!!...