SEMOGA KAU SEMBUH PART II

Indonesia coolest industrial rock band KOIL got interviewed today on O channel’s FYI (For Youth Info) program. They are promoting their latest album “Blacklight Shines On”. Otong the vocalist said that this album is dedicated to all the workers, the blue collars. The main idea is to give them support, something to hold on to, something to make thru the day and something to enable them to get up in the morning and ready to go to work. He said, “Don’t matter your salary, just accept it with a big heart, pray and do your job. That’s it”. I think he’s right. The point is just to LIVE your life with no questions, no arguments, no desperations, and no complaints. Another important point is to do it with a big heart that prays. Yes, that’s the only compass that we got to live in this world while we are spending our time to perfection. And yes, there are maybe times when we are all will be tired, bored, desperate (again) but when they do come and knock your door just tell them: “Sorry, the house is full!”
Keep on Rockin’ !!!

Tak ada gunanya kita mencari, mengejar mimpi ketika semua membuatmu buta, mengosongkan jiwa… (Semoga Kau sembuh Part II, Track #2 of Blacklight Shines On, KOIL)

BEAUTIFUL IN THE REAL LIFE

A famous Indonesian actress, Marini, came to my practice yesterday. She brought her daughter in law for fever. This is my first time to meet an actress and have a talk with her for a few minutes. It was great. She was so cooperative and off course she looks beautiful. I think she is more beautiful in the real life than on TV or any movies she has played. That’s exactly what I want to be. Beautiful in the ‘REAL’ life. Beautiful in God’s eye. I don’t want to pretend to be good. I don’t want to lie that I am good. I don’t want to make everybody think that I am good. I just want to be a ‘bless for others’ kind of person. I just want to be a useful tool when He needs me. I think to make that happen is by learning to the ‘Beautiful Maker’ itself. Take the lesson and put it in practice.

I’m still on chapter one…

HEART NEVER LIES

How do you know that you have done something right or wrong?
How do you know that your God will protect you all day long?
How do you know that you love the right person?
How do you know that you take the right decision?
I know, because my heart will tell and it never lies…

What if something bad happen to your loved ones?
What if your loved ones cheat on you?
What if there’s no heaven and hell?
What if God doesn’t love you?
I will pray, because my heart will tell and it never lies…

Then your heart got wounded
Then your heart start to bleed
Then your heart got the scar
Then your heart stops to breathe
I will bandage my heart, because my heart will tell and

Heart never lies…

THE WITNESS

I was sitting on the guest room of my clinic when I met these two witnesses. They are The Jehovah’s Witnesses. My first impression on them? They were polite, nice-suited guys and look quite wealthy. The first guy (TFG) asked my permission to have a “Moral Chat”. Since they were so nice, I agreed. We sat back on the bench on the guest room and I started to pray, Dear Lord please send me a patient NOW! PLEASE!!! Yes, I didn’t want to chat with these guys but… nothing happened. God didn’t answer my prayer. It means I have to listen. Then TFG began to speak start from the introduction then go to their purpose of meeting me, and so on… and so on. Before the end of the meeting I asked couple of questions to them. I asked about their everyday life. I asked TFG about his job, surprisingly he used to work in a pharmacy business which very closes to my job. He quitted the job because he wants to have more time for his family and for God so he can go on the weekend to WITNESSING! After they left, I think again about the TFG last word. Witnessing. I don’t think I have the courage to meet people that I never met before and then start talking about GOD. I’m too afraid to be harshed by the person that I will meet. I myself believe that I can give witness to others about God on my daily basis like my job, my behavior, my words of talking, my vision, and off course my heart. The point is not on the way we witnessing but lies on the WILL. Exactly, I never give God my special time, my best time for Him again. I just pray when I remember, when I have the time, when the mood is right. I only witnessing if I think the person is having a weaker thought than mine, if I have the time, and if the mood is right. I believe that although the Jehovah’s Witness didn’t know Jesus but I believe that Jesus also love them because He has created them to remind me that He misses me so much.

I’m on my way Lord…

GOD’S IMMUNIZATION DAY

In medical world there are many kinds of vaccines that we should give to our children if we want to avoid them from lethal diseases. Each vaccination needs its own time to be given. A medical professional also have to know the absolute and not absolute contraindications for a child to receive a vaccination. When we injected the vaccine to the child, they usually cry because of the pain from the needle.
When I read the 2008 vaccination schedule from CDC the light bulb on my head turn on again. All the vaccination process that children must go through to protect them from the diseases has a similarity in God’s way to protect us humans from this deadly world. He immunizes us with Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfullness, Gentleness, and Self Control vaccines. I remember my complaints to God when someone hurt me, when things went wrong, when I didn’t have money, when my hair start falling and so many more again. I can’t see the protection that I will advantage from all those circumstances. I was too focusing to the pain. I can’t see the blessings in disguise. But like all the moms in this world do, God also never complains when we complain. He knew that one day His sons and daughters will understand.

I need a self-control vaccine…

PRAYER S.O.S

“Friends, please help. I need a prayer support. I will face a big problem tomorrow”. That was what my friend text me. A prayer S.O.S. And I replied, “Ok, I’ll pray for you & hope the problem will be solved”. End of message. After that, I went back to my job. Did I really take the time to pray? Nope. Did I pause for a few minutes just to take some times to pray for my friend whom maybe really desperate at that moment? Nope, No, Zero. Then, what did I do? I just memorized myself to take time to pray but in the end I still forgot about it. The next day my friend text me again, “Thanks a lot for your prayer support, the problem is solved. GBU”. God bless me? Hey, I don’t deserve that, I didn’t do the prayer. I was too lazy to pray for my friend. God said if two or more person gathered to pray in His name then the prayer will be answered. And when my friend asked me to be that second or maybe third or maybe fourth person, I didn’t do my part. I arrogantly believe that God will answer my friend’s prayer even if I didn’t join the prayer. Stupid me, off course God will answer! But what if we change the situation? I become the person in need. I must be really hoped that my friends will pray for me. So that means, what my friend really needed is not the prayer but the SUPPORT!
It always takes two to tango, it always needs four bars of stakes to make a chair stand, and it always needs friends & family to give us support. I knew then that we will pray better when we know that someone is behind our back.
To my friend J, I am so sorry…

MARRIAGE

I think this is the hardest topic that I have ever tried to write about. Coz I still don’t have one hehe… My brother and his family came to visit me and my mom (yes I know, I still live with my mom). He usually comes once in a month. This time he brought along Diva, his daughter. She is soooo cute and funny, you guys have to see her. I am the kind of guy who will not get married when everything is not ready, especially the financial. I once asked my friend Yudi about it, what makes you brave yourself to get married? And he said, I just took the first step and everything will be followed. Yeah right! I don’t believe that crap. What about financial? What about school admission fee? What about health budget? How on earth are you going to pay those things, the answer is MONEY pal! But he answered calmly, I know it’s hard to earn money these days, it took a lot of your energy and times too but they’re all so worth it. Cynically I asked again, how come? He said, they’re all gone when you got home and you see your child. I paused…….
Ok, that’s the answer that I can debate with coz I don’t have a child. Finally I know what my friend’s said mean. It is when I saw Diva. Her cute face, her curly hair, her big eyes, her smile, her walk, her shy, her giggles, her straight-forward talks, her naive, her everything has made me thinking. That’s how it feels when you have a child. That’s how it feels when you have a family. It feels great!

Now, I’m ready to marry Luna…

W.W.Y.D.

What Would You Do, if you knew that tomorrow you are going to die? Sophan Sophiaan, a famous old-time Indonesian actor, died on 17th May 2008 on a motorcycle accident. He bumped into a big hole on the road and he got thrown away for 20 meters. He died on his way to the hospital. In the morning he just had a speech for ‘Nationality Rising’ day. Again, what would you do?
I used to think about this, but then I never did it again. Why? Because I am too afraid to give a thought about it. What would I do if God ask me to come ‘home’ today? Or maybe tomorrow? Or even now? My nurse said, she doesn’t know. Neither do I. I just feel I’m not ready to come back ‘home’ yet. I still got plans to do. I still want to do something good as my redemption of my sins. The point is I don’t want to go to HELL. But what can I do? What can we human do? NOTHING. If He asks you to go ‘home’, then you go. “When” is not a matter anymore. I think, what should we do is always do our best right now like there’s no tomorrow. Go love your God. Go have a confession or maybe two or even three. Go love your family. Go have a great vacations (as long as you got the money hehe..) Just go, go and go! Still we have to remember that the most important thing is we must go with all our hearts, mind, body and soul completely.
Have I pray or did something good today?...

LOVE MATCH

A few days ago I watched a television reality show called “Kontak Jodoh” (or Love Match). There were 4 boys and 4 girls that were being matched. They have to get to know to each other in some ways. In the end they have to push a button, if they are a match then the “love-sign” light will turn on. There was this girl on the show that didn’t push the button because she knew that her best friend is also in love with the boy that being matched with her. The boy pushed the button for her. After the show, I asked myself. Do we always have to be the one who sacrifice our heart and love for someone that we call best friend? At first I said, Hell No! If my friend is a good friend then he or she is the one who suppose to support me for my relationship, but then I think again, I have to say that the answer is YES. If you want to know how to love, you have to know how it feels of being hurt. If you want to know how full stomach feels, you have to know how starve feels. I agree it needs a very mature, big & sincere heart to do that but we have to go through that road. Hopefully after that we can smile and say:
I love you with all my heart…

THOMAS, UBER & SEXUAL DYSFUNCTION

Last night I had a talk show on Sonora FM, it was about sexual dysfunction. When you put this kinda topic on the air, everybody will listen. Last night, it didn’t work that well. Now everybody’s attention is on the Thomas & Uber Cup 2008 at Senayan, Jakarta. But still there was some listeners, thank God hehe. This morning I found a connection between sexual dysfunction and the prestigious game of the year. It is FEAR. How many times in our lives that we feel fear? I would say a lot! On the talk show I found that many people fear that they cannot satisfy their couples on bed, they fear that they will be called weak (especially men). On the Game, the players will face the fear of losing, the fear of not making proud the people they love, the fear of guilty feeling to the country. What makes those feelings come to the surface? Fear of not being loved. I believe when we are SURE that we will be loved no matter what we are and KNOW who really the one we love is, then we will never have fear again instead we will have RESPECT. So, let’s not be afraid, let’s face the world bravely!
GO INDONESIA!!!…HABISIN…HABISIN…

CHEAPER BY THE AGE

I am cheap. Yes, I love to spend money but just for things that I really want but if it’s time to give someone some money or gifts or even some coins for “tukang parkir cepek” I will think it over & over for ten times or more. I don’t have the gene from my mom I guess; my mom is a very generous lady. She’ll sacrifice her own joy for others (I really mean it). Sometimes I think she’s an angel that had born a devil son, yes me. After some millions of thinking I start to realize that I’m getting cheaper by the age. On my 17th I think I’m quite generous but now… don’t even think about it. Back to TPC (tukang parkir cepek), or even a blind beggar, I just think that they’re the kind of man that always looking an easy way out. Life is struggle pal… I once met a TPC that got mad when I didn’t give him the “cepek” coz I think I can park by myself, the street was soooo empty so I can have a coffee while I park my car. Today, on my poop again (I got a lot of inspiration on my morning poop), I think the TPC or the beggar are just some men that have to be in their place by destiny so a damn fat cheap guy like me can learn how to give love (remember again #4?). I have to start giving even if I fail, just give don’t expect anything in return. I believe someday my heart can become like my mom’s.
Ok then, I will start by giving “gocap”…

“AGAIN” NUMBER 4

I have a friend that can’t separate lies from his life. He said he was too afraid to see what would possibly happen if he’s saying the truth, so it’s better to lie just to make everything alright. By saying that he even lying to himself. I paused for a few seconds… and then I realized He is Me! I’ve been living for almost 32 years in this cynical world by lying. I even lie to God. I TRY to love Him for what He has done for me. I TRY to love Him because I want to go to His Heaven. I still can’t love Him just the way He is. This also goes for everybody around me. I love you because… There’s always been a condition. For me it is so hard to see people especially when you hated him or her. 77x7x7x7x7… that’s not work for me. For me, 2 times top. Three if I am in a good mood. Again there’s always been a condition. As I went home after my meeting with my friend, I’m beginning to learn that if I want to start loving unconditionally I have to start receiving love unconditionally. You will never know a thing until you find it out, feel it, and taste it by yourself. After that I have to take one small step to learn to start loving. What if I fail? Just do it again and again and again and again… until I habituate it.
I just left “again” number 4…

WILLIAM H. GATES

May 8, 2008 Mr. Gates came to Indonesia. This is his first time in Indonesia. I watched him on TV sitting next to Mr. President SBY, I heard carefully his speech and I finally found out. No wonder he is so damn rich (imagine US$ 45 billion), his vision and mission are so many steps ahead. I don’t think he already knew “The Secret” back then hehe. The points are if you know what you really want for your life, if you sincere and honest about it, if you struggle and work hard to get it, if you eager to learn and eager to make everything become better or even reach its best, and finally you GO and DO it then no doubt about it, you are the next Gates. Do I hear Amen?
Amen!!!...

F.I.N.E.

F-reaked out
I-nsecure
N-eurotic
E-motional

I kinda surprise when I heard these words from "The Italian Job". It totally has a very different meaning from it suppose to. There are many times in my life when I said or did something that actually is different from it suppose to. In other words, I lied to please everyone. I don't want people to get disappointed. I want everybody to feel fine. OR I lied because I want to protect my heart. I guess the latter is the one. All of these talking have anything to do with the brain. Yes, my mind plays tricks on me. What really happen is you don’t know a thing if you are not taking the first step to do it. You’ll never know until you do it. Still I think it is wise to be careful and fully prepared before you’re taking that first step. Above all that, take a courage and go!

It is time to say fine is fine…

SINCERITY

How do you define sincerity? I think that you are sincere when you are doing something for somebody else and you don't expect anything in return. You are sincere when you love someone wholeheartedly and that someone isn't love you back and even hurting you so bad still you're in love & hope for the best for that someone. Me... I'm neither. One day I thought I’ve done something sincere but then I realized that my heart has wanted more. On my job, as I treat my patient I want money in return. On friendship, I want favor, love, treat in return. On my family I want more love. On my country, I want protection, pirates CD & DVD. On my God, I want everything (Nokia E90 please…). JFK was right, ask not what your country can do for you but ask what you can do for your country. That’s what I call sincere.

I have to learn harder...

BACK TO WORK

I will go back to work on Saturday, hmmmph it always feel like a big burden to me. When I was a kid my mom took me to a doctor on one morning and when we went home I told my mom that I want to be a doctor because a doctor can get money early in the morning. Now, all I can do is just laugh at that memory. It’s not easy to have a job that involving someone’s life on the tip of your hands. The burdens are getting heavier when someone came to you with a very ill condition. Their life and death is in your hands. Your heart is pounding faster and faster. Damn it, what should I do? What should I give? Which one is first? Urrrgh, it’s a very stressful situation. That’s why I put the doctor’s prayer on this blog, just to keep me on the ground that I’m not the one who decides someone’s life. It’s HIS job; all I have to do is make myself a very damn good doctor so I can become a very handy tool for Him to do His job on the patient. I am just an extension of His hands! Again, it’s not easy to become a very good extension hehe.
So what’s so good about this job? What I love most about this job is when you know that your patient is healed and they can go back to their family with a joyful heart and they leave you with a big smile and say, thanks doc. It will fly you straight to heaven, meet your Master and hear Him says, "Well done my child". Oh, can’t wait till tomorrow.
Really… (Don’t we love Common Cold? Hehe)

A DOCTOR’S PRAYER

As I care for my patients today
Be there with me, O Lord I pray

Let me speak kind words that mean so much,
And in my hands place Your healing touch

Let Your love shine through all that I do,
So those in need may hear and feel You

-Unknown-

Bless me O Lord…

BEAUTIFULLY MADE

I got the title from a book called “Fearfully & Wonderfully Made” by Philip Yancey. So, here is where it goes. My friend who is smart, have a good taste & an M.D. think she’s not beautiful. Hellooooo, why on earth she would think that way? Wait, maybe because we DO live on earth. I think we’ve been spent most of our lives living in this cynical & stupid world. Everything is measured by WHAT you are and not by WHO you really are. Heart doesn’t really matter anymore. I am fat, bald, single & quite broke, now what can really worse from that? But I’m not buying it, I’m doing "The Secret" hehe, so I am thin & toned, have a very beautiful future wife & bery bery bery rich! Yeah!!! God has made us according to His image, that means each & everyone of us is created unique & beautiful, like you and me (handsome off course). There was once said that God is fair, the beauty got the beast and the handsome got Omaswati. I think the line is not complete yet, it suppose to be: God is fair because He puts TASTE in us human. That’s why a Luna Maya will have a husband Kees and my friend that I’ve mentioned is so much in love (I won’t say horny) with hairy men. See, that’s what I call God’s fairness. It’s only a matter of taste. We don’t have to be afraid of what the world will say, but we have to be afraid when we cannot love ourselves (but don’t too much coz it can make us cocky). Once that happen the world will lost another love light and become darker. I don’t think I can give my love to others when darkness is overwhelming me.
Christina Aguilera sang: I am beautiful no matter what they say, they won’t bring me down. I agree.

We are fearfully, wonderfully & beautifully made (Psalm 139:14).
I love me…

POLYGAMY VS MONOGAMY

Poly, mono, poly, mono, poly, mono, poly, mono... hehe, I think I prefer monopoly then. Yesterday I texted my friend CJ & told her that I already have a blog. I asked her does she have a blog too and she replied that she prefer to do a polygamy than to write a blog. I laughed like crazy XD but then I think hey I wanna try to write about this topic, polygamy. So here I am with my monolobus brain trying to be wise hehe. Polygamy & monogamy are Greek words, poly means many, mono means single, & gamous means marriage. So, polygamy means a multiple marriage and monogamy means…
I myself believe that marriage should only be done ONCE. I believe that marriage is the moment where I put the missing piece of my puzzled heart. I believe that there’s only one perfect match for my half-loving hearts so then my heart can loving completely. I believe in one true love.
Monogamy? Yes please…

GREEN BOXER HEART

I'm fat, so I don't have many clothes including my bed time outfit. The only pair I have for the last couple of years is my green boxer & a black t-shirt. They're old, have so many holes & patches but sooo... comfy. The worn threads on them feel so soft & silky on my skin. They make my sleep good. This morning, while I have a poop, the green boxer slapped me. I looked at it & saw its holes & patches. Suddenly... Hey, I think I just look at my heart. Wounded, lots of scars, partially inflame, and yet still growing into maturity. My boxer always gives me comfort, have I? My boxer always there for me, have I? And my boxer has tore its thread for me,
...have I?

THE SECRET

A few days ago, a friend of mine lent me a dvd. It's "The Secret". I heard this theory first at Oprah's & I was skeptic about it but it turned into something great. So, I watched it. It told me that if you want something just Ask-Believe-Cultivate-Do-Enhance-Faith-Gratitude (I summed it up myself). Just that. Some parts of the theory against my belief but most of 'em strengthen my faith. Faith means do what you don't see.

Now, I'm imagining my own blue ferrari...

GOD, DEVIL & ME

It's been years since my last time to go to church, the last one is in 2001 I guess. Well, I heard D is laughing out loud now. What happen? Don’t know. What's wrong? Can't tell. But the odd thing is I just know that G is always with me. I know, it sounds cliché huh. It’s just too heavenly to be true. G... always & always answer my prayer. I pray a little to G but play a lot, almost always, with D. Still at the end of the day I’m going back, I’m going home to G. This situation is still going on... till now.

Help me...

INTRO

Well, finally I got my own blog. Hehe, at first I felt a bit lazy to write down everything but eventually it became a rhema in myself to make it real. I just hope that this thing are gonna make me better.

I hope...

http://keeshasbeenthinking.blogspot.com