MARHABAN YA RAMADHAN

These are the words that always been said by the Moslem to welcome the month of fasting, the month of Ramadhan. It is the month when people must do a fast and hold back all the negative attitudes in their lives. A few days before the Ramadhan come, the Moslem people usually do some rituals, like visiting their relatives’ graves to pray for them, or asking forgiveness to others so they can enter the Ramadhan with a new and clean heart. For me there are a lot of good messages that we also can learn from the Ramadhan. And I think we should apply them on our every day’s lives. The fast, we can learn on how to control our body and not being controlled. The rituals, here we are being reminded that we should respect our families because family is the place where we spend our lives and to learn on giving love. The forgiveness, no matter what we always have to set a room for forgiveness in our hearts. Remember 77x7. The prayers, I myself learn that calling His name is always make Him happy, anytime, anywhere, because He’s in love with you and me.

Happy Ramadhan…

FINALLY

Stupid question: “Have you ever been in love?”
Me? For the last 31 years of my life I never knew of the feeling of being in love. Hehe, sounds like a crazy & stupid lie huh? Well, that was what really happened. This morning I finally knew, actually maybe the right word is understood, of that feeling. I found it funny that it’s true that we’re gonna be the stupidest person when we’re in love. All those things that have been said by the people whom are in love are true. I have become the most ridiculous person in this world, on my own world actually hehe… like yesterday, I was desperately and badly missed my love so much so it made me think to jump on my car and drive all the way long just to see that person’s face. And I did. Gosh, I’m insane. I used to be so lazy to drive. Another craziness; is that I want to make my loved one happy, as if I want to buy the world just to make my love happy. I don’t want my love to be sick, hurt, feel sad, mad, bad, etc, etc… I want to be near my love all the time; I want to hear my loved one’s laughter, giggles, see the wrinkles on the eye’s corner when my love is laughing. I want to hug, to hold, to walk together forever and ever. And spend the rest of my life with my loved one. And what makes me happy most is especially I wanted to hear my love saying: I love you too, Kees. And after that I will hug my love so close until the warm of our love hold us closer and make the time stop.
Today I thank God for giving me all of these whole new experiences. Why? Because again I finally knew the way He feels about me! He is so deeply in love in me and His love for me made Him died. I used to think that yeah I know that He died for me; I used to say I love You Lord with all my heart, and bla bla bla… but actually I never meant it. And now, I finally understand. And I don’t think I have reached that kind of loving.
I guess I’m in love with You too, Lord…

08/17/08

Happy 63rd Independence Day, Indonesia!
You’re getting older now.
Look at those wrinkles,
Some of them were from us.
Thank you for letting us lives in these beautiful lands.
We haven’t gave much for you and,
We also haven’t done much for you.
But one thing we promise you,
That we will love you till the end.

Merdeka!

Dirgahayu Republik Indonesia...

THE OSCAR

VALUE #1:
Nilai-nilai kehidupan yang tinggi meski buat mereka masih sulit diikuti namun itulah yang harus dipegang, diperjuangkan dan dicintai.
“…the great values of life in which hard for them to follow but deserve to be embraced, to be struggled, and to be loved.”
VALUE #2:
Rasanya lebih bisa menerima para mantan imam yang menanggalkan jubah daripada mereka yang terus berjubah tapi menjadi pemain drama piawai yang pantas diganjar Oscar karena kemampuannya menutupi permainan di belakang layar namun berakibat parah bagi para korbannya.
“…it seems more tolerable to see the priests whom put down their cloaks than to see the priests whom still wear their cloaks on but they’ve become a great actor whom deserve Oscar because their ability to cover their behind the screen acts in which give a horrible impact for their victims.”

These are the lines that I’ve quoted from Yurika Agustina’s blog (see I Blog U). Why did I quote them? It’s because, they slapped me hard twice. These lines are written by Yurika in her blog on her World Youth Day cover story. She wrote them beautifully, you have to read them. And they slapped me hard, twice.

SLAP # 1! Ouch…
I have become a person where I think that I know all the values of life that God has taught me. But I’m too arrogant to embrace the values, to struggle the values, and also to love the values. I’m too arrogant to admit that I need Him. At this moment I have reached to a point where I think I know God very well. I think I know Him better than everybody else. But after I read Yurika’s I realized that I’ve been gone astray too very far from Him. All this time I think I know Him so well, but the truth is I didn’t.
SLAP # 2! Very Ouch…
There were priests in Australia who have done sexual abuses to children. It was a pedophilia case. Pope himself has to apologize to the victims and the victims’ family because of these irresponsible priests. And again, when I read Yurika’s I felt like I’m one of those priests. I am not a pedophilic. But I’m a good actor or even you can call me a great actor. I am so good in covering things and then act holy in front of everybody else. I can say like: “Hey, don’t worry. It’s ok. God Loves You. Let me pray for You.” And after that I go back to my old habit and play my role so great and make the director (i.e. the devil) so proud of me and I win an Oscar, again. I have collected so many Oscars. I’ve won Best Actor. I’ve won Best Supporting Actor. I’ve won Best Villain. And I’ve won so many more, just name it. The worst thing of all is that I am proud of it and I enjoy it.
Well, todays slapped has made me think again, in which role that I really want and have to play. Please pray for me.

And the Oscar goes to…

WE’RE SOMETHING

Weeks ago I saw a picture on a newspaper. It was the picture of “World Youth Day” event in Sydney, Australia. The photo was shot from above the earth, so it looked like a photo satellite.
The picture reminded me of the image of ants. When I saw that photo I felt ashamed of myself. And I began to think of how God see us human on earth. Frankly speaking, at that moment I started to think that we’re nothing in this world. We’re so small. We’re just like a bunch of ants in His eyes. Often we think that we are the most important person in the world so everybody must pay attention to us. And how many times in our lives that we think our problems are the biggest problems in the world that nobody could understand it not even God. All this time I often think about this question myself: “How does God solve all of the human problems?” After I saw that photo, now I know the answer. I don’t have to know how but all I have to know is that it’s a very easy job for Him to do or accomplish. Again, we’re just like ants in His eyes, well it’s a phrase. It means we don’t have to be worry about how is He going to solve it, or does He really listening our prayer, or does He really know my problems, and so on, and so on. The answer is YES. So, what should we do when troubles come then? Just cry for help to Him. He hears, He knows, and He will solve it. Just trust Him completely.

Yes, we’re something…

THE TRUE GOSSIPER

I am a TG, a True Gossiper. I love to talk about others especially the bad ones. E.G., my chief is a very very cheap guy, so I and my nurses love to die to talk about his cheapness. And sometimes I curse him in the middle of our gossip (OMG what have I done?). Anyway, gossiping has become one of my ways to relieve stress. This morning I just did it again. I gossiped the chief again. Man, he is so damn cheap! I think it's ok to gossiping, as long as the person is not hearing it. I think it's ok to gossiping as long as we gossiping about the truth and the fact. What if I become the 'victim'? Actually, I don't really care what others might say about me. Because, I think only God & me who really know myself very well. So, it doesn't matter what others think about me. BUT it's very hard to find very objective persons. To have a very healthy gossip session we need objective people in it. Why? It's to avoid 'bonus tracks' on the topic that we're gossiping about. It's the devil's nature in us human to add 'elements', usually the negative ones, when we're gossiping someone or something. I myself have also a very hard time to do it. Because it's more fun when we add 'the negative elements' on our gossip. Why? I think it's because we don't want to be 'the black sheep'. We always want to be 'the right one' although we're wrong! So, to make gossip gives a dual benefit (for the gossiper and the gossiped) we have to learn to lift up the positive elements to surface. Hmm, let me try.
I think my chief is cheap because his parents are cheap too...

DEAR GOD (A PRAYER FOR J)

Dear God, I pray to You today for my friend J.
I don't know what kind of troubles that she's facing right now. All I know that she sounds very desperate, feeling unloved, crushed down, so deeply miserable and especially she feels that she's gonna lose the person that she's in love everyday.

Dear God, I know that You know J much better than me.
You know her heart because You are the one who made it. You know her troubles way before she’s gonna have them. And You know all the ways and answers that will set her free.

Dear God, do You know that J is in love?
I know You do.
I pray to You to give her comfort on Your teaching about the meaning of loving. And I pray to You to ease and lift up her burdens and pains when You mold her heart because You want her to be ready for Your gift of love.

Dear God, I also pray for the person that J is so in love with.
I pray to You that he’s gonna be J’s best teacher on how to love and being loved. When You decide to make him J’s love of her life, may they become the example of Your own true love. But when You decide of not put him on J’s love I believe that You are the one whose gonna replace him in her heart. Because You are love…

Dear God, I pray to You today for my friend J…

OLD YOUNG

This question pops up on my head. Why do grown-ups sometimes act like a kid? My answer is because adult people are somehow beginning as a kid. I am 32 now. But somehow there are moments when I act like a kid; well to be honest that happens quite often. I can’t lie about my physical appearance, it looks old and so damn fat… oh and also don’t forget about the hair. But I love cartoon very much. I love wearing jeans, because they make me look much younger. I love dye my hair, because it looks cool on me. So what’s the problem? The problem is, is it ok to act younger than we should? Do we really have to let go all the habits that are felt so good when we’re young? I myself think that the answer is NO. But we have to add a very important element on that ‘childish’ happiness. That is responsibility! It means we can act or do anything that seems ‘childish’ as long as we do it properly. We don’t have to choose to be young today and being mature on the next day. We can become both. Isn’t it great to be look mature outside and feel so very young inside at the same time? I think people are gonna see us as a happy, mature, and fully responsible person.
Well, maybe you disagree…

RYAN A.K.A BROKEN LOVE

The serial murders that Ryan has done are another example of how great is the power of love. The police investigations have shown us that ‘little Ryan’ was a never-taste-love kinda boy. During his high school, his friends always mocked him and called him ‘sissy’. On those crucial moments of Ryan’s life, he never discovered love. When he has grown up he looked for love in the wrong place. I think those are the causes that have made Ryan now. So, can we blame him of what he has done? Absolutely yes! It is always wrong to kill a man. Hmm, doesn’t that make us sound normal? If I want to mirror myself on Ryan, I think I have something in common. Wait, I know what you’re thinking. The thing is that I also learn love in a very hard way. There are moments in our lives that we also done something wrong that turns out it was the result of our pass failed-love experience. I myself often made lots of misinterpretations of love. And they’re all because of my pass failed-love, my broken love. In 1997 my love experience has changed dramatically. It was the year when I met the love Himself. So, what can we conclude from all of these? I think, we can say that it always takes two to love.
We have to love and to be loved…