EVIL ME

I am a bad person! I am an evil! And here’s why. This afternoon a guy came to my clinic, he wanted to treat his right foot from of a nail-punctured wound. He got wounded 2 days ago at his workplace. He works at a construction site. The wound was swollen and infected because of the late treatment. The main problem was that this guy didn’t bring enough money. What did I do then? NOTHING. Instead of treated him I turned him down just because I don’t want to make my boss get mad at me for the less-charge bill. My clinic is a very expensive place to get a healthcare. If you don’t have at least Rp.200.000. - then don’t even think to come. After that I felt like a racist, I felt like I’ve become a go-away-you-poor-people-I-don’t-want-to-see-you kinda guy, and I felt so very bad for myself. Because I still can help the guy & cover the rest of the bill on me. Or I can treat his wound and give a prescription so he can buy the medicine at another drugstore. But I didn’t’ do it all. I didn’t want to use my money for him or even think some ways to help him solve the problem. I fled. I ran away from the problem. I didn’t want to move from my safe place. I was chicken out. I was too afraid to say to my boss & told him that he’s wrong.
And then the guy left, with a big smile, and said: “Thank you so much doc”. I knew it was his sincere thanks. His eyes said it. I tried to reply him with my very best smile which actually was very bitter and hurt.

To Arip, I am so sorry…

Rp.10.000.-

A today’s TV show has reminded me again about the value of money. There is this group of women in Nusa Tenggara Barat whose their job is about making roof from grass. They got paid for Rp.10.000. - PER DAY! That equals about $1 per day. You bust your ass from dawn to night and all you can get is only Rp.10.000. - ? Could you imagine that? In this very 2008, their wages are much smaller than the price of a ‘BigMac’. At that moment I felt like I’m the worst person in the world. I felt like I’m the winner of a spend-your-money-till-you-drop-and-let-others-in-misery game show. But then I realized… that’s life man! On one part we think that it’s ok to spend our money recklessly, while on the other part of the world some people are have no money at all or even worse they have no life. Well, I guess what should I do is I have to start tighten my pocket a bit, have empathy for the ‘unhave’ & if it’s possible maybe I should also share some ‘life’ with the one who needs it. And when that let’s-go-waste-some-money desire comes again, I have to learn to say ‘not now’! I have to learn again how to value money without slipping into idolize it.
Rp.10.000. - is not easy to earn…

100% LOVE

Lately my job has really really consumed my time a lot. So it made me kinda hard to update my blog and whether I realize it or not, my writings are also a bit changed. Most of them talk about love. I love animes, especially the one with the story about adventures, heroes and stuffs. Currently, I’m watching ‘Kekkaishi’. An anime about guardians of a sacred land. On one of its episodes, it mentioned about love. Once again this love thing came up. And I got the title for today’s writing also from ‘Kekkaishi’.I don’t know maybe someone, whom love me bery bery much, up there is trying to send me some kind of message: Dude, you’re really outta love these days! Wake up! Question, do I really have lost my ‘to love’ capability? Uummm……… I guess so. I feel that I have become so easily angry, thinking negative about others, and doing a lot of ‘me first’ conditions. I think those are the signs of losing love. All my life I have NEVER been in a situation which I have to give a 100% love. If you’ve been there please leave a comment. I mean it. I myself believe there is no such thing as a 100% love. We human can only GIVE 50% MAX! What about the rest? Well, I think the rest is the space that He has put in us, in order to RECEIVE love from others. So the equation is gonna be something like this: 50% MY LOVE + 50% OTHERS LOVE = 100% LOVE. So I think we don’t have to be desperate about our incapabilities of loving. And we don’t have to brag and say, I love you with all my heart. Remember, we are able to love not because we have a very big heart. Our hearts are too fragile to give love that much. We are able to love because we have been loved first by Him. I think all we have to do is giving our bestest quality of love without even bother with the quantity.
Yoshimori, the main character of ‘Kekkasihi’, said: “I want to do it because; I do not want my loved ones to get hurt”. Let’s start giving love.
Ketsu…

LIFE’S PURPOSE?

Can you answer that? If you ask me the question, I don’t think I can give you the answer right away. Next question, why does God send us human into this weird world? For the last 17 years of my life, I still couldn’t figure it out.
At first, I thought we all live in this world is just to wait our time to die. And then the thought grew, I thought we live in this world is to get educated, get a beautiful girlfriend, get married, have kids, grow old in happiness, and finally die and go to heaven. Hmmm, sounds good right? But on my second quarter of life I began to think that we all live just because we have to, so what about it? It means, if we didn’t do anything good or beneficial to others then our lives mean nothing. So I thought, we have to make our lives more valuable and meaningful.
And now, the thought grows older and hopefully wiser too. I think we all were being sent to live in this world is because…
We have to bring love to this weird world…

CHRIST FLASH

It’s been a few weeks since my last log-on to my blog. It’s because I’ve changed my internet provider. Yup, I’m using Telkomsel Flash now hehe… Thanks to Telkomsel 3G coverage that has cover my area now. It’s great to have a quite fast internet connection. I can connect anytime & anywhere. As usual this 3G thing also made me think about my relationship with my family, friends and Him. Until now I think I still haven’t upgraded my connection. I’m still using the GPRS instead of HSDPA. My connection is so slow, very unstable, easily interrupted, and lots of disconnections! When people including Him try to ‘download’ thru me, my system is usually on a ‘very down’ situation. It’s hard to connect to me. On the other side it’s totally different if I want to ‘upload’. It’s always fast and secure but it usually ends up with damaging ‘the heart’ of the system. In other words, I’m selfish. A while ago I had this uncomfortable feeling to my nurses; they were very annoying that day. I didn’t know why, maybe they’re having their periods. It was so annoying till it made me think to ‘duck’ with them. My connection was down that day. And then I realized (again? Hehe…), what the heck am I thinking? I can’t be this way. I can do better. So, I passed that day in a relief. But… I forgot one thing. Him, God. I forgot that if I want to have a good connection for others I have to connect to the best ‘Server’ ever, the G(od) network. That is the Christ Flash.

Connecting…

ALLAHU AKBAR

When I spent my night at my clinic yesterday, I let my window open so I can hear the sounds of nature. And that night has become a perfect sleep for me after not have perfect sleeps for days. What made it even better was when I woke up at dawn & heard the adzan subuh. That was the most beautiful male voice that sang adzan I’ve ever heard. And I miss God. That dawn was so silent, only crickets, a few cars, some dog's barks, the air con, the adzan, and my breath. My tears fallen. I miss him, that dawn I felt so close to Him as if He's lying next to me.
Faint but also strong the adzan said, Allahu Akbar, means God Almighty. You are God, You are.

I miss to dance with Him again; I miss the laugh, the hug, the look, and everything.
Allahu akbar, Allahu akbar, how great Thou art o' God...